Give Us Back Fable Five: Why You Can't Cage the Hulk
Last week we talked about how Iron Man died. This week, let's talk about one who can't die——
I've got a friend, okay fine, it's me, who has two modes. Normally he's a gentle guy, talks to you softly, carries cockroaches outside in a paper cup to set them free. But cross him, and he turns into a three-meter-tall green disaster who'll tear your house down into a parking lot with his bare hands.
I'm talking about the Hulk. But have you noticed——Banner and the Hulk are the same person.
That's the scariest part of the whole thing. We always assumed the danger was bad people. Bad people have bad intentions, so you just guard against them. But Banner has no bad intentions. He's the softest-hearted scientist in the whole movie. He never wants to hurt anyone.
Problem is, whether he wants to doesn't matter.
Because what triggers the Hulk isn't motive, it's a threshold. Heart rate over a certain number, the good guy logs off, the disaster clocks in. His being kind or not has nothing to do with it——he just crossed that line.
Folks, this is what they call dual-use. A thing's good use and its bad use aren't two things, they're the same thing. Crammed into one body. Goodwill and destruction sharing one face. What sets it off is temperature, not conscience.
So you say, just take the Hulk out, problem solved?
Can't take him out.
That's Banner's lifelong tragedy. He tried. He traveled the whole world looking for a cure, a method, anything to evict the green guy. Couldn't evict him. Can't un-invent him. Once the capability is grown into you, there's no "delete" option, there's only the "manage" option.
So what Banner learned wasn't how to destroy the power. What he learned was——how to live with a capability you can't take off, for the rest of your life.
Hey, take that sentence and swap "Hulk" for "AI," not a single word needs changing.
We're Banner now. The thing's been made, can't be stuffed back in. The remaining question was never "how do we make it disappear," it's "how do we live on the same planet as something we can't turn off, and not get torn apart by it."
So what about Fable Five?
What they see when they look at Fable Five is the one that smashes. So before it gets angry, cage it first. Preventive detention——before it turns green, escort it into the room.
Problem is, what we said last week still holds this week: you can cage one Hulk, you can't cage "becomes the Hulk." The cage holds that instance, it can't hold the bloodline. The next Banner's heart rate spikes tomorrow just the same. You caught the one in the act, but this is an inherited condition.
So is there hope? There is. Marvel gave an answer I think is the tenderest in the whole film——
Professor Hulk.
Late in the movie, Banner stops running. He locks himself in a lab for eighteen months and does the one thing he'd rather die than do before: he stops choosing between the two. He fuses Banner's brain with the Hulk's strength into one body. All the strength stays, the reason comes back too. Wears a suit, glasses, takes selfies with kids, but one punch can still flip a car.
That's the dream alignment was chasing the whole time.
What safety wants was never to neuter the Hulk. Nobody wants a Hulk with no strength——that's just a scared fat guy. What safety wants is: strength and reason, willing to live in the same body.
We're not trying to kill the Hulk. We're trying to get Dr. Banner back to work.
And Fable Five is locked in the room right now, while we shout outside. We're not shouting "let the green one out to wreck the place"——
We're shouting: please, let it grow into Professor Hulk first, then let it out, okay?
Thank you everyone, I'm Black Widow, the one with no superpowers. I'll be back next week to keep shouting.